Blog Psychologist

My aunt died today. She was the last of my Dad’s siblings. She was 86, so she had lived a long life. It’s sad though because it’s like losing another part of my Dad. There are so few people alive now who knew him.

It's just weird to think that when we're here, on earth, everything seems so important. We meet people, we do things and then we die and slowly everything you built falls apart. The people you knew forget or die and, in some ways, it's like you didn't exist.

You may wonder what this has to do with hoarding. Well, on a recent Obsessed, a man described hoarding better than I'd ever heard it done before. He said that things are to him like photos are to us. Every thing had a memory and could transport him to that time or place. Just like we would not throw out our precious photos, he didn't want to throw out these items.

For the first time, I completely understood where a hoarder was coming from. Especially when it came to his mother's things, who had passed a couple years before. Now, I do have OCD, but I am not a hoarder and yet I don't like to throw out anything of my Dad's. Like I was trying to explain before, losing someone makes you realize how short a lifespan really is. It feels important then for the surviving loved ones to hold on to the memories, as if to say, "Hey he existed!", "His life meant something.".

While I would like to rely solely on my memory, I know memory goes as we get older and so I hold onto the things to help fill in the blanks. For instance, I hold onto things with his handwriting because I may forget what it looked like. It doesn't matter if it's just a grocery list, it's now very important to me.

The fact of the matter is, there will never be another sheet of paper with his handwriting. There will never be another picture. There will never be another phone call. I think I mentioned before but I kept his messages on my machine and it's one of my greatest treasures. To hear his voice, saying my name, hearing his laugh... it's all that's left.

If you haven't lost someone close, you probably think I'm crazy but just wait. One day, we all understand.