Lately, a lot of people from my past have been coming out of the woodwork. You'd think I'd won some money, but since that's not the case, I'm thinking this must be an age where people start wondering what if...
For instance, I recently saw pictures of a friend I grew up with and she was with another friend of mine. The pictures spanned years. The two are apparently still great friends. I can't help, but wonder if I would have been a part of this great sisterhood had I stayed in one place.
My family, however, moved when I was in middle school and then again after I graduated high school. This made it hard to keep any long-term friendships. Well, that and the fact that most of my real friendships were with guys and once they got married, the friendships took a back seat. That's the chance I took being friends with guys; but my history with girls is a rocky one, to say the least. This leads me to believe I probably wouldn't have had this sisterhood that I wonder about, but may explain why I would want it.
Now, any friends I've reunited with are spread throughout the country. There's a sadness in knowing what we had is gone. People who I used to confide in and once believed would be in my life forever are distanced with time and space. What there is now can never really be anything more due to the fact that we are all so far apart.
Making friends after high school was tough and being married made it even tougher. Any friends my husband and I have now are couples. Finding a couple that we both like is hardest of all. Sometimes, the effort feels like it's more than it's worth, but I do believe it's important to have someone outside your family just to keep you sane.
So I talked about my struggles now, It's time to talk about my goals.
To give you an idea of what I'm working with, here is a picture of me (in black) back in the day:
And as much as I hate to even show this, here is me now:
It's not that I expect to look like I did when I was young, though it would be nice. I will settle for being healthy and more energetic for my baby's sake. I especially don't want him to have the same eating habits I have now. So, that's it. I have to make a change for both my baby and myself.
Here's the plan in it's simplest form:
I have lost 5 pounds since I started working out 4 weeks ago now. Hey, it's something and I'm pretty happy about it given that I've been really pushing myself.
It's funny, after so many years of no one wanting anything to do with Michael Jackson; in his death he has been resurrected, in a sense. Now, he is the world's "King of Pop" once more. I actually understand this phenomenon because after losing my father, it seemed like all the negative things that surrounded his life didn't matter anymore. People only say nice things now. Even his ex-wife, who hated him in life, came to his funeral bawling. I say it's funny because I don't know what else to call it. Death definitely makes you look at life differently. All the things that seemed so important are put into perspective I guess.
The media, however, has no soul and thus they won't be satisfied until they've tarnished everything good about Michael Jackson... yet again. Why they need to dredge up his drug use, I don't know. He's dead and finding out why won't bring him back. Sure, maybe the doctors are responsible, but in this society, where the rich and famous live by different rules, we all know he would have gotten what he wanted from someone. If it was drugs, it was a choice he made. A mistake that he has paid for.
Why can't we let this man alone, at least in death because we sure didn't in life.
Recently a student contacted me and asked if I would take part in a project for school. I thought I'd share the questions I was asked and the answers I gave:
1. How did you get interested in psychology and dream study?
I started keeping a dream journal when I was 12. I had a dream so realistic and so disturbing that I wrote it down and hid it like a secret. I knew then that dreams were important. They could affect you. In fact, I still remember that dream vividly, 18 years later.
2. In practicing psychology, how crucial are a patient's dreams?
Dream Interpretation is a tool that can be used like any other. It's not crucial, but if you're good at interpretation, then I believe it's very helpful in discovering what's at the core of an issue.
3. How does a psychologist know how to accurately interpret dreams when there seems to be various interpretations of the same dreams?
I don't know that the psychologist actually interprets for a person though they can certainly have opinions. More so, I think a psychologist guides a person in discovering the meaning for themself. This, in some sense, is what psychology is all about. Who's to say any interpretations are "accurate", dream or not. It's all about guiding and when the answers right, it will click with the patient.
4. What do you believe is the true purpose of our dreams, if any at all?
The activities of the day often distract us from what is important in life. At night, we have to focus on what it is our mind has been telling us the whole time. So, I guess I think the purpose is to alert us to what needs attention or just reflection.
5. Do you believe people can derive symbols from their dreams? (ex: Can an apple just be an apple or does it always have to mean something else?)
I don't think that dreams are always literal, but they can be. I actually go more by the feeling of the dream. If the dream makes you feel sad, then I think it might have something to do with what makes you sad in the day.
6. What is the most interesting thing about dreams that you have come across during your career in psychology?
By far, the ability to control dreams through lucid dreaming has impacted my dream life greatly. I used to have nightmares all the time and once I learned to control my dreams, I took back my power. Of course, I have to already be in control during the day to control my dreams at night. Still, there's no feeling greater than being able to stand up to your nightmares.
7. Do you think people should really pay attention to their dreams?
I think many dismiss them, but many people dismiss psychology in general. I think that if you take your mental health seriously, then dream interpretation should be paid attention to.
8. Do you believe all dreams having some meaning?
I think there's a scale of importance and some dreams rank very low.
While I would like to say the 45 pounds I've gained since I met my husband is pregnancy weight, that would be a long pregnancy. Truth is, I've been steadily gaining over the last 8 years. It was mostly due to circumstances and ignorance in the beginning.
I'd always been smaller, not super "skinny" but happy with my weight; but I was also very active and worked at it. Then, we moved to a place with a gym, but didn't find out until it was too late that nothing in the gym actually worked. So, rather than join a gym, I told myself I could maintain my weight without working out. Turns out I was sorely mistaken.
Once I started gaining, I got depressed about it and ate as a means of soothing myself and it turned into this vicious cycle that I would have never believed I would be in.
I stayed at 160 for a long time, and I swore I'd never get bigger, but then I got pregnant. Now, I'm 10 pounds heavier than I was before I got pregnant and it has absolutely nothing to do with the baby weight. I actually did better when I was pregnant than I normally do. I only gained 35 lbs. I ate right, drank tons of water, and all that jazz. I then lost the weight I'd gained pretty immediately after having my 10 pound baby.
The problem is that I wasn't expecting to lose it that fast and it tricked my mind into thinking I had super metabolism. So I ate all the things I denied myself. I am definitely paying for the bad choices I made, but I'm finally taking steps towards rectifying the situation. My husband and I both joined a gym with a daycare for the babe. It's been 3 weeks now and let me tell you, I feel great.
The changes are small at this point; but for the first time in a very, very long time, I feel truly hopeful.
You know often singers are amazed at the fans who feel like they know them, but you can learn a lot about a person through their lyrics. A true artist writes from their heart and I'm not talking about frivolous songs with no real meaning. I'm talking about meaningful songs, written by people with complete vulnerability. That person, through music, can give more of a window to their soul than hours of face to face conversation. This is true of artists in general. Through a person's art we can see the things they wouldn't say to just anyone, if anyone.
"Childhood" by Michael Jackson is a prime example:
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for the world that I
Come from
'Cause I've been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart...
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities...
'Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me...
People say I'm not okay
'Cause I love such elementary things...
It's been my fate to compensate, for the
Childhood
I've never known...
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates and adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?
People say I'm strange that way
'Cause I love such elementary things,
It's been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I've never known...
Have you seen my Childhood?
I'm searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...
Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I've had
Have you seen my Childhood.
Honestly, I am sincerely heartbroken over the loss of Michael Jackson last week. I have been a big fan my whole life. I realize that people younger than I am may not understand why, but there was a time when nothing nor no one was bigger than Michael Jackson. He was an icon, an inspiration and I idolized him.
Now, I know everyone and their mom is talking about his death right now and maybe people are already sick of hearing about it. Well, this isn't that kind of post. Yes, I was a huge fan and could go on for days about it, but it's not the whole reason I'm writing.
I'm writing to address some of the negativity surrounding his life. While I can't pretend to know what it feels like to be famous, let alone since childhood, with your every move followed and analyzed, I'm going to give it a try. You see, I think his family and my family (specifically one side of my family) are similar in that they were both screwed up. If my family had been thrust into the spotlight, it wouldn't have meant our problems would go away. Fame and money, no matter what people think, don't equal mental health and happiness.
So, there we'd be, my family and all our flaws exposed. That's just the flaws he came into fame with. Once fame had it's way with him, he didn't have a chance. No artist today, even as crazy as it is now, can know what Michael went through in the height of his fame. It was a different time, he was more popular, more talented than artists today. He was my generations Elvis only, unlike Elvis, he'd never known anything else. He'd been famous as a young child, everyone wanted a piece of him.
Are we then surprised he was strange? Man, how we loved his originality when he was pumping out records.
