I haven't talked much about it with most people around me but I have been back in therapy and have been put on meds for postpartum. I guess I started feeling down a couple months after I had my baby boy. I told my family doctor and she put me on Zoloft. That wasn't really working for me so she combined it with wellbutrin and that made me feel real drugged, which I hated.
I then decided I would try and talk it out with a therapist but she immediately put me on Cymbalta and some other anxiety med, I forgot the name. It wasn't what I wanted but she and her colleague was sure I was suffering from postpartum and that I needed something more than therapy. I actually agreed because I knew I wasn't myself.
I was feeling really agitated all the time and could be overcome by feelings of rage towards people when they had done nothing to cause it. So, for my baby's sake, I knew I had to do something. Luckily, I never had bad feelings towards him, nor did I take my anger out on him, but I knew I was losing control fast and was scared of what would happen.
I had heard of postpartum before, like most, but it wasn't until I saw Brooke Shields talk about it so candidly on Oprah that I realized the gravity of it. In fact, if I hadn't seen that show, I may not feel like I could even share this; but I think Brooke Shields was so brave and she really helped me realize that I'm not alone. So I feel it's very important that I do share my story.
As it is right now, Cymbalta is really helping and I'm feeling great. I know that, even though I'm on medication, this is how I should be feeling and not like I was before. That wasn't me and I knew it then but I was in a dark place and it took me having a near breakdown to get help.
I decided to stay in therapy and work on some issues I am having adjusting to having a baby, after 8 years of it being just me and my husband. I'm also working on issues with my OCD. I do like my current therapist, which if you've read my history, you know I've had problems with before.
If you feel like you are having similar problems, I strongly suggest talking to a doctor because this isn't something you should try and get through on your own. I think my case is pretty mild in comparison to a lot of cases we've heard about in the media. Unfortunately, a lot of women don't get the help they need and it can have fatal consequences.
If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby, you need to reach out to those around you for support. Tell them and tell them again if they don't listen the first time. That's one problem I had was that I felt like I told people and they didn't take me as seriously as they should. Unless you're going through it, you don't know, but pride has to be put on the shelf in order to keep you and your baby safe. So scream it if you have to. Feel free to email me if you just want to talk. You're not alone.
Labels: Parenting
