W hen I originally decided on psychology as a career path, my intentions were to become a profiler. Specifically, I wanted to work with serial killers. Mind you, I was 13 at the time and was sure that the world was black and white. Thus, I was fascinated with the idea of good and evil.
You can read what first inspired me here.
I was actually very passionate about psychology for years, right up until I was about half way through college. A few things happened at that point. One, I realized what college was really about. It wasn't caring people who wanted the best for me, teaching me the essentials to make sure I was the best psychologist I could be. Instead, college was a money making monster, doing the least amount of work possible to pump out degrees to anyone who paid their dues. I realize now that I was naive to have thought anything different.
Secondly, my father had his third heart attack and was told that he wouldn't have long to live. I became extremely depressed. So, I started going to a therapist myself. It was nothing like I'd expected. There was no lying on a couch, crying, while being asked questions about my childhood. In fact, there wasn't much to it at all. The guy that I saw barely said anything to me. I felt like I was talking to a wall. He did, however, send me to a psychiatrist who pumped me full of meds that made me start hallucinating that people were attacking me. When I told the guy, he actually advised me to stay on them. There I was, seeing people run at me, defending myself against people that did not exist, and he tells me it's okay.
Needless, to say, but I stopped seeing both the therapist and the psychiatrist. That experience along with my realizations about school, led to doubts about my career path and about everything I thought to be true.
Finally, I met the man who would become my husband. This was ultimately the deciding factor for me because I never wanted to have a career and a family. It was always one or the other in my mind because I didn't think I could be great at both. It's like how medical doctors nurse you to health, but tend to be unhealthy themselves because they're so over-worked and stressed. How was I supposed to go deal with life's "monsters" during the day and come home to be sane enough to raise a mentally healthy family? I don't know, maybe there are people who do it, but I didn't want to take a chance.
When I met the man I knew I was fated to be with, at the time in which I was doubting my other path, I took it as a sign and a blessing. It's been 9 years since then and we now have a beautiful 6 month old son. I know I made the right choice for me.
Labels: My history, Therapy
