After my posts on the effects of technology and drugs on people, you had to know music was coming. Now, I know people don't want to hear that music has anything to do with people killing themselves or others. I get that. People want to believe "we're all in control of our actions" and that "nothing makes us kill", right?
Well, what do you want to bet that these same people do believe in music as therapy and that music can enrich a child's mind? Without even thinking about the contradiction, people are willing to believe the positive of things they like (all things, not just music), but not the negative. As if not facing something makes it untrue.
Here's where I stand on the subject:
While I don't think music makes people do things in the truest sense of the word, I think it's ridiculous for people to deny that music heightens what a person is already feeling. Thus, if a person is depressed and they listen to depressing music, they become more depressed. Same goes for anger. You're mad so you crank up the most vile music you can to get your heart pumping even harder, and guess what? You get angrier. Strange how that happens.
Odds are that you've made some judgements about me for saying this and I assure you, you're wrong. I listen to and enjoy the most depressing, and the most vile music there is. I, like everyone, have times of great sadness and anger. This is why I know what I'm saying is true. I feel the effect music has on me.
I remember a time when I was particularly down as a teen. I was in my room, listening to depressing music, and my sister tried to get me to go out. I told her it wouldn't matter where I was, I would feel the same. As I got older, I realized that I would never know if the statement was true. I did know, however, that by staying there, listening to that music, I had no chance of coming out of the state I was in.
Again, I've also felt similar heightened states when I'm angry and I put on Static X or Godsmack, Anthrax, System of a Down etc, etc.
Of course, none of this made me hurt anyone, thank goodness; but I know there are people out there who are in more fragile places than even I've been and I can see how it might drive a person over that edge.
It's not that I think the music is to blame, but I strongly caution parents and even friends to pay attention to what your loved ones listen to. If you find a person listening to depressing music, shut off from the world, you drag their a** out of the house. You never know, maybe it will make the difference. Sometimes people want you to help without them having to ask, or even knowing that's what they want.
My son is now 17 months old now and we're trying to make the ever so important decision of whether or not to have a second child. With my age being a factor, if we were going to have another child, it should be soon. I'm going to be 32 this year and I don't want to be having kids past 35 for sure.
My mom was 34 when she had me and that was fine, but my dad was 40 and it was almost too old for my liking. I realize a lot of people are still having kids when they get older, but as a child of an older parent, it sucked. Sorry parents, but that's the truth of it. It sucked having kids think my dad was my grandpa and, more than anything, it sucked losing him so early in my life. Of course, having kids young is no indicator that you'll be around to see them grow up, but it can definitely heighten the chances. Oh what I would give to have had just another 10 years.
Mind you, I was no spring chicken when I had my son, but it wasn't that we weren't trying. We just left the timing up to God and I think it happened as it should, as does everything. Second time around though, would have to be different because, like I said, age is a factor.
There are many factors to consider this time. For instance, the proper spacing between children. I definitely want my son to have his time, but I would also want them to be close enough in age to enjoy one another. My sister and I are 11 years apart and it was more like having 2 mothers. It wasn't good to say the least.
Then there's the question of sex. Of course, we shouldn't care, but I would almost prefer another boy for the simple fact that I believe same sex siblings are usually closer. I know there are exceptions, but I haven't seen them in my own life.
I guess the truth is that if we have another child, a big reason would be so my son would have a sibling and will hopefully share a strong bond. There is no guarantee though and so I wonder if we should stop. My worry is that he will feel shorted.
Having so much distance between my sister and I, it was like I was an only child. My husband was an only child, but later gained step siblings. So it's like we both understand to some extent but then we do still have someone to fall back on now.
When I say fall back on, I am thinking of times of needing someone. I don't know what I would have done when dealing with my dad's death without my sister. Of course, my son could always have good friends, but friendships aren't a strong point for my family. We have always been very closely knit and though I've had great friendships, they aren't who I lean on in times of need.
It's all a lot to take in and consider. I would love to hear from some only children to know if there is resentment there. I don't know, maybe it's that we always want what we don't have.
I thought this post my help me sort some things out along the way, but I'm no closer to making a decision. One question only needs to another.
Now that I have a son, my mind runs rampant with things to come. For instance, I was watching one of those reality shows that flood tv nowadays and saw a kids room with Bob Marley posters all over the wall. Now, while I'd like to think the kid simply respected Bob Marley's ideals, I'm thinking the truth had something more to do with drugs.
It got me wondering what the kid's parents thought of the situation. I mean they have to know what that means, right? Are they okay with that? Even if a parent secretly holds the belief that pot isn't the worst thing in the world, shouldn't that be kept a secret? Shouldn't parents discourage it in their children, even if they, themselves, partook?
Personally, I never did. Mind you, I hung out with plenty of people who did, but I always saw that as a great reason not to. I saw the way my friends acted and knew that wasn't for me. I like to be in control of myself and to think clearly. Now, I didn't care that they did it, but when it comes to my son, I might mind. I'm not sure yet. What I do know is that even if I don't really mind, I will discourage it because I think that's what a parent should do.
I know it sounds prudish, but I don't think that I am. I actually think pot should be legal. I just don't know that we should encourage our youth in such practices is all.
