I've been watching Hoarders lately. No, I don't have this particular issue, but I know it's supposed to branch from OCD. Recently, there was an episode with a psychologist/hoarder. I know this may seem odd to people to have someone with a disorder when she should know how to deal with such things. I, of course, relate because my degree is also in Psych (though I'm not practicing at the moment) and I have OCD.
What one needs to consider is that we all have issues and that none of us have all of the answers. For one reason or another, people tend to be harder on psychologists than other professionals. For instance, no one seems to care when their physical doctors are over-weight or when their hairdresser looks like Jose Eber. I mean that guy doesn't even cut his hair and he wears a hat all of the time, but no one seems to question it.
The reality is that your family doctor probably isn't healthy because he works long hours, in a high stress position and probably eats from machines and drive-thrus~~the exact opposite of what they'd tell us to do. Along those same lines, psychologists often have major issues. While trying to work out these issues, it's easy to develop an interest in the field of psychology in general, which can lead to a career. I think it also gives a real compassion towards others because there's an understanding there.
I know when I went to see a grief counselor after my father passed, it felt important to me that she'd lost someone close to her because otherwise I didn't think she could understand. Lord knows, I didn't understand this level of grief until I went through it myself. This is why rehabs often have recovering addicts working there.
That isn't to say that psychologists and mental health workers need to experience everything their patients go through, just like physical doctors don't have to have had a disease to try and cure it. But to have "issues", whatever they may be, is something that connects us as human beings. If psychologists were issue-free, then I don't think they would be very good at their jobs.
It's been awhile since I last wrote--one, because I was busy and two, because I've been in a weird place... mentally. A lot of changes are coming my way and I don't do well with change. In one of my many therapy sessions it was made clear that I fear change because changes have not been good ones in the past. I associate change with loss and instability. Stability being my #1 priority in life.
I am trying desperately to observe the feelings that are coming up for me without letting them drag me down into depression, which is a state that feels comfortable to me. I get depressed and I know it's bad to give in but then I go into this defensive, "I don't give a f***" zone and do it anyway. Now though, I have my son to think about and so it's not like I can just lie around feeling sorry for myself. I have to do better because he deserves better.
I'm actually doing pretty well. I think with the new year, I have new hopes and new resolutions. One resolution being to let go and let God. I know that I need these changes because I don't want another year like the last in that I'm stagnant and it's ridiculously clear that I'm not living up to my potential. Happiness does not grow in a place like that and I am determined to find my happiness again.
I did a vision board to try and motivate me and I have a new mantra, "I'm a closer". I like it because it's powerful and it's something that was true of me once. I'd like it to be true again.
On my board, I have "parties" but it's just that I like to throw parties but I have shied away from entertaining in the past. Hopefully, one day, that will change. Oh and I know I have the no OCD right under Mr. Clean, but what I want is a clean home without feeling like cleaning rules me.
I'm still working on my board but it's been good because it really makes you focus on what you want for your future. You may think you know but then sit down to do and go blank. I'd suggest everyone try it.
