Blog Psychologist

As I mentioned in my previous post, I wasn't sexually assaulted, but no one gets out of childhood unscathed. My beloved father was an alcoholic. It's hard to say because no one wants to put their loved ones out there like that, especially since he's gone and it all seems so unimportant now. Still, the fact of the matter is, while it's unimportant on a large scale, his alcoholism affected my life greatly.

Alcoholism affects the alcoholic and everyone around the alcoholic. I believe that many of my issues with OCD have, in fact, stemmed from the lack of control I felt over living in such a chaotic environment.

When you're living with an alcoholic, especially a mean one, every day is unpredictable. There is a fear that comes from not knowing what will happen. Will this be the day he loses it? Will he and my mom fight? Will I be put in the middle? Will my mom leave? Will he go to jail...again?

OCD, as crazy as it sounds, provides a feeling of control in an uncontrollable situation. I realize, of course, the opposite is true and that it's the OCD that has control over me and not me over it. Still, I couldn't control my dad's drinking, but if I was dirty I could wash my hands and I felt control over that. It was a little piece of sanity for me.

But this is nothing new. So many people grow up in situations like these or worse and we all cope differently. OCD was my way and I'm just trying to make sense of it now. I'm hoping that sharing this will help.