Blog Psychologist

So, I talked about the why of bad relationships. Now, we should discuss the what, as in what to do when you're in one? It doesn't have to be infidelity, it could be anything. Maybe your partner is a good person, but you're not in love with them, or you know you'd be happier on your own.

It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. Sometime's things just are and when we deny that and try and force what isn't supposed to be, we're setting ourselves up for a life full of unhappiness and regrets.

Life's too short for us all to be so unhappy as we are. You might think you're doing your partner or even your kids a favor by toughing it out. However, if toughing it out means taking anti-depressants, drinking, gambling, cheating, eating, or whatever your vice is, then do you really think your family is better off? What message does that send to your kids?

Kids need healthy examples of what a relationships is supposed to be. The best question to ask yourself is "Would you want your child to be in a relationship like yours?". If the answer is "no" you should think real hard about the decisions you're making because I promise you, patterns do repeat. Staying in an unhappy, unhealthy relationship can doom your children to have a relationship just like yours.

Now, I'm not saying divorce is the answer. It can be, but it doesn't have to be. The answer is to get active. This is your life. You made the choices that led to where you are and it's you who has to fix things. It's not enough to blame your partner for everything. Your partner may be at fault, but you can only control yourself. If it isn't working between you, and you can't get your partner to meet you half way, leave. Don't just threaten it with no intention of follow through, but actually do it. Make the hard decisions in life that will lead to real change if you know it will make you happier in the end. If you're happy, your kids will be happy and even your partner will eventually be happy again.

If, however, your partner is willing to support you and to work on things, then that's half the battle. In that case, maybe it is just a matter or re-assessing things and changing your attitude. Often times, people focus so much on all the little negatives instead of the big positives. You have to become aware of those little negative thoughts and decide to fight them. Think positive, even if it is a fake it `til you make it scenario. Eventually, you will have trained your brain to push the negative thoughts out on it's own.

If you believe things can work out, then they probably will, and vice versa. Life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it. Sometimes it helps me to think about what it is that will be important on my death bed and I realize it's not money or how clean my house is. It can really put things into perspective.