I am 33, with a degree in psychology. My experience, however, isn't limited to what I learned in school. I have been independently studying psychology & dreams since I was 13.

Though I AM NOT CURRENTLY A PRACTICING PSYCHOLOGIST, I wanted to do this blog because I believe that I have life experience that people can relate to and thought maybe it could help. So, please feel free to share your stories because secrets give our problems power.







Depression & Suicide

at Saturday, June 20, 2009

Depression is something that effects so many. I know I've suffered from it as most people in my life have as well. My family, specifically, have had a long running history of severe depression. Four members of my family have been committed, two of which died in asylums. On top of that, I am one of the few of us who have not tried to commit suicide. In `96 my half brother succeeded.

Unfortunately, I had been living in a different state for 5 years and hadn't seen him in that time. Our relationship was always strained though because his mother, my dad's ex, and my dad didn't get along. It wasn't until after their son's death that they buried the hatchet. It's a shame it took something so devastating, but it happens all the time...sadly.

My brother (10 years older than me) had just had major brain surgery, was going through an ugly divorce and his wife was threatening to take the kids. Life definitely looked bleak, no doubt about that.

I still fight with depression now and then and fear I will always; but I know, from having been on this side of things, that suicide is not the answer. I have seen my brother's kids sparsely over the years. His wife did take the kids and left. They know little of who their father was as a result of not having his side of the family be more of a presence in their lives. That, to me is so devastatingly sad. It is, however, the chance that my brother took when he made the choice he did.

I always felt bad because my dad had told me he was depressed and asked me to talk to him, but I was 18 and had no idea what to tell him other than "join the club". I think because I was depressed too and felt his pain, I took his death hard. That, and I felt so much for my dad. It was one of the few times I ever saw my dad break down; not just cry, but really fall apart. Now that I have a son of my own, I can't imagine the pain he was feeling. Nor can I imagine not being able to see my kid grow up, which is something my brother wasn't able to do.

In lieu of all this, I would plead with anyone who's suffering, please talk to someone. If that person doesn't listen, keep talking. There is help out there.

 

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2 Comments:

  1. siyanda mnweba said...
    July 13, 2011 at 5:24 AM  
    i wish i could say the same thing, that ive never tried to commit suicide but i have. i hate being depressed and it sucks even more not being able to talk to anyone about it. i try to talk to people about my problems but no one really truly ever understands what im going through, its very hard for me to talk to people about my felings which then lowers my self-esteem and makes me want to commit suicide because sometimes it always seems like its the easiest way out. but thanks for this very enlightening article, maybe now ill even stop crying myself to sleep when im feeling down...
    Suzie Q said...
    July 13, 2011 at 2:37 PM  
    Thank you for sharing. Not knowing, specifically, what's going on in your life, I can only tell you what it is that I tell myself.

    When I get down, I try to remember that there are good times too and that things can change drastically from one day to the next. So, while today might be hard, something wonderful could happen tomorrow. It's also important to remember that there are things we can control. As hard as it is to get motivated when you're depressed, you can force yourself, and you can begin making positive changes in your life. I say this because when you're depressed, it's easiest to throw your hands up and decide this is just how life is; but what's easiest is not best. There's true happiness to be had out there, but it's not going to just knock on our doors. Sometimes we have to fight for it, but it is worth it.

    Whatever you do, do not turn to drugs and alcohol as an answer because that only makes things worse. No good ever comes from going down that road.

    I would encourage you to seek out a counselor if you don't feel like you can talk to those around you. If you have a hard time sharing, in general, a counselor can guide you. Considering that you're seeing things through a negative filter right now, it's important to talk to someone who is seeing things more clearly.

    Please write back if you'd like to speak more. Otherwise, I hope the best for you, I really do.

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