There are tons of articles on love and relationships, but I recently came across 8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage on Redbook Magazine's website and it pretty much covers it. The 8 things are as follows:
1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?
2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
4. You will go without sex — sometimes for a long time — and that's okay.
5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
6. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying
to get it right.
7. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
I feel this it's important to hear these things because too many times people try and put on this facade that everything's peachy and then you're left wondering if you're the only couple to experience these things, when the truth is that we all feel these things. This is true of many things and not just marriage. In fact, I'm finding that some of these "8 things" could just as easily refer to parenting.
Considering I've been with my husband 10 years and only have a 20 month old baby, I'm a bit more of a novice when it comes to parenting. I sure wish someone would have stressed certain negativity's to me before I got pregnant. Not that I wouldn't have had a baby, but maybe I could have been more prepared for just how great a sacrifice it truly is.
As I've mentioned before, I suffered from postpartum afterwards. Luckily Brooke Shields had come out about that or I might not have gotten help so quickly as I did. That's exactly what I'm saying, just knowing we're not in it alone helps immensely.
As far as the "8 things", whether it's marriage or parenting, the truth is it's hard work. Anything of great value is. It's also completely worth it. If nothing else it's a character builder. The way I look at it, even if my marriage doesn't last forever, it has still been a success. I have learned so much about myself and the kind of partner I can be. It's been the greatest learning experience and I kind of think that's what life is supposed to be.
I think #7 is extremely important, but you should really realize this before getting married in the first place. Next to that, #6 is also of great importance. There have been times in our marriage, where we've hit rough spots, and it always comes down to whether he and I are willing to work on it. If not, then it's a waste of time. Problems don't just go away so much as fester. Avoidance is not the answer.
Finally #5 is dead on. I cannot say enough about the importance of compromise in marriage. You just can't go into a healthy marriage with the thought that you're not going to change for anyone. Change can be good. Both people should change and for the better as a result of having the other in your life.
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