It's getting to be that time again...my dad's birthday is coming followed shortly by the 3rd anniversary of his death. With him on my mind, I wrote a friend who's going through a very hard time. His father is ill and he's in a bad place. I thought I'd share it, because you never know, it may help.
I've been thinking about you and what you're going through. I hesitate in even telling you this because I know how it sounds. Please take me serious and remember who I am. I'm not a bible thumper, but when I was dealing with my dad's death... undoubtedly the most depressing time of my life, I listened to Kirk Franklin alot and it really helped. In fact, the day he died, the first thing I did was go to my dad's car and played the songs "My life is in your hands" and "more than I can bear". Please, for me, look up these songs and really listen to them.
It may be the last thing you thought you would ever do, but know there is great relief in letting "Jesus take the wheel".
As that song goes,
"Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do
this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
To save me from this road I'm on"
I know, I know this probably sounds cheesy, but we all hit places in our lives where we just feel so overwhelmed and it doesn't feel like it will get better. But then you realize it's out of your hands and you ask for help, from those around you and from Jesus, God, whatever.
I know you're in therapy, but you also know your behavior is counter-productive and you're sabotaging any chance of getting better. Drinking and all that only masks things and all the problems are still there in the morning. You need to face things and know things will get harder before they get better, but they will get better. It's just hard work.
Lastly, look up Kirk Franklin's song "Declaration" and let it be your anthem.
You don't have the right to give up on life and happiness. You have people, a wife and kids who all love you.
If the problem is a stressful job, give it up. It's not worth what it's doing to you. Your wife would rather you be happy than rich. If it's your dad, then spend the time with him, say the things that need to be said and let there be no regrets.
Life can be good again. I promise you. You have to believe it though.
I know so many people who are looking for the "perfect partner". Unfortunately, they seem to pay no mind to whether or not they are an equally perfect partner. It makes sense doesn't it? I mean let's say you find this person, you have to ask yourself, what will they see in you?
For instance, I cannot tell you how many over-weight guys I've met in my life, who only date skinny girls. What is that about? These are the same guys who want virginal girls when they, themselves, are complete ...well...sluts. Let me tell you something guys, a virginal girl won't want you and whatever diseases you bring to the table.
Maybe you're hoping for a person to clean when you're a slob...well opposites do attract, so maybe that will happen, but why should it? Why should you get away with being half par, but expect so much from a partner?
Perhaps, instead of thinking about what you want, you should be thinking about what you want to be.
After my posts on the effects of technology and drugs on people, you had to know music was coming. Now, I know people don't want to hear that music has anything to do with people killing themselves or others. I get that. People want to believe "we're all in control of our actions" and that "nothing makes us kill", right?
Well, what do you want to bet that these same people do believe in music as therapy and that music can enrich a child's mind? Without even thinking about the contradiction, people are willing to believe the positive of things they like (all things, not just music), but not the negative. As if not facing something makes it untrue.
Here's where I stand on the subject:
While I don't think music makes people do things in the truest sense of the word, I think it's ridiculous for people to deny that music heightens what a person is already feeling. Thus, if a person is depressed and they listen to depressing music, they become more depressed. Same goes for anger. You're mad so you crank up the most vile music you can to get your heart pumping even harder, and guess what? You get angrier. Strange how that happens.
Odds are that you've made some judgements about me for saying this and I assure you, you're wrong. I listen to and enjoy the most depressing, and the most vile music there is. I, like everyone, have times of great sadness and anger. This is why I know what I'm saying is true. I feel the effect music has on me.
I remember a time when I was particularly down as a teen. I was in my room, listening to depressing music, and my sister tried to get me to go out. I told her it wouldn't matter where I was, I would feel the same. As I got older, I realized that I would never know if the statement was true. I did know, however, that by staying there, listening to that music, I had no chance of coming out of the state I was in.
Again, I've also felt similar heightened states when I'm angry and I put on Static X or Godsmack, Anthrax, System of a Down etc, etc.
Of course, none of this made me hurt anyone, thank goodness; but I know there are people out there who are in more fragile places than even I've been and I can see how it might drive a person over that edge.
It's not that I think the music is to blame, but I strongly caution parents and even friends to pay attention to what your loved ones listen to. If you find a person listening to depressing music, shut off from the world, you drag their a** out of the house. You never know, maybe it will make the difference. Sometimes people want you to help without them having to ask, or even knowing that's what they want.
My son is now 17 months old now and we're trying to make the ever so important decision of whether or not to have a second child. With my age being a factor, if we were going to have another child, it should be soon. I'm going to be 32 this year and I don't want to be having kids past 35 for sure.
My mom was 34 when she had me and that was fine, but my dad was 40 and it was almost too old for my liking. I realize a lot of people are still having kids when they get older, but as a child of an older parent, it sucked. Sorry parents, but that's the truth of it. It sucked having kids think my dad was my grandpa and, more than anything, it sucked losing him so early in my life. Of course, having kids young is no indicator that you'll be around to see them grow up, but it can definitely heighten the chances. Oh what I would give to have had just another 10 years.
Mind you, I was no spring chicken when I had my son, but it wasn't that we weren't trying. We just left the timing up to God and I think it happened as it should, as does everything. Second time around though, would have to be different because, like I said, age is a factor.
There are many factors to consider this time. For instance, the proper spacing between children. I definitely want my son to have his time, but I would also want them to be close enough in age to enjoy one another. My sister and I are 11 years apart and it was more like having 2 mothers. It wasn't good to say the least.
Then there's the question of sex. Of course, we shouldn't care, but I would almost prefer another boy for the simple fact that I believe same sex siblings are usually closer. I know there are exceptions, but I haven't seen them in my own life.
I guess the truth is that if we have another child, a big reason would be so my son would have a sibling and will hopefully share a strong bond. There is no guarantee though and so I wonder if we should stop. My worry is that he will feel shorted.
Having so much distance between my sister and I, it was like I was an only child. My husband was an only child, but later gained step siblings. So it's like we both understand to some extent but then we do still have someone to fall back on now.
When I say fall back on, I am thinking of times of needing someone. I don't know what I would have done when dealing with my dad's death without my sister. Of course, my son could always have good friends, but friendships aren't a strong point for my family. We have always been very closely knit and though I've had great friendships, they aren't who I lean on in times of need.
It's all a lot to take in and consider. I would love to hear from some only children to know if there is resentment there. I don't know, maybe it's that we always want what we don't have.
I thought this post my help me sort some things out along the way, but I'm no closer to making a decision. One question only needs to another.
Now that I have a son, my mind runs rampant with things to come. For instance, I was watching one of those reality shows that flood tv nowadays and saw a kids room with Bob Marley posters all over the wall. Now, while I'd like to think the kid simply respected Bob Marley's ideals, I'm thinking the truth had something more to do with drugs.
It got me wondering what the kid's parents thought of the situation. I mean they have to know what that means, right? Are they okay with that? Even if a parent secretly holds the belief that pot isn't the worst thing in the world, shouldn't that be kept a secret? Shouldn't parents discourage it in their children, even if they, themselves, partook?
Personally, I never did. Mind you, I hung out with plenty of people who did, but I always saw that as a great reason not to. I saw the way my friends acted and knew that wasn't for me. I like to be in control of myself and to think clearly. Now, I didn't care that they did it, but when it comes to my son, I might mind. I'm not sure yet. What I do know is that even if I don't really mind, I will discourage it because I think that's what a parent should do.
I know it sounds prudish, but I don't think that I am. I actually think pot should be legal. I just don't know that we should encourage our youth in such practices is all.
Okay, I wasn't going to comment on this, but it's gotten so ridiculous that I have to say something. While I understand that people think it is crazy for a single woman struggling to make it with 6 children to go and have another 8 that she has no means to take care of. I just cannot condone the things that are being said to and about Nadya Suleman and her children. I mean she has received messages from people saying that they hope she and her children die.
This is crossing the line. I cannot wrap my mind around someone being so irate that they would wish something so horrible on children. They are innocent in this, and whether you like Nadya or not, these children need help. Here is Nadya's website where you can donate if you would like.
Last time I checked we live in a society that does not put restrictions on how many children you can have based on your income or even mental competency. Freedom is not something that you can pick and choose, we either love that about our country or we don't. Nadya is free to have as many children as she would like, just like we are.
Personally, I think she has some issues, but don't we all? By all accounts she is a very loving mother and I don't think that's anything to scoff at. Now, by no means does this mean that I agree with her choices. I find I don't agree with a lot of choices people make, but I don't think we should be so quick to chastise.
Besides, I think this is all misplaced anger that we have toward the government and those who have put our society in a state that we should put such importance on money over people. If we want to get upset over ignorant choices that have caused the downfall of our economy, this woman with 14 kids should not be the target.
I say the word "blessings" or "blessed" often, not because I'm extremely religious, but because it describes how I feel about my life perfectly. I, honestly, don't know that I've done anything in this life that was deserving of the wonderful things that have happened to me. Mostly, I mean my family. I have an amazing husband, and now an amazing son..jpg)
Every time I look at my baby, I think about how lucky I am to be able to stay home and take care of him. I know that there are a lot of mothers out there who would love to be in my position. I truly sympathize because even the thought of having to leave him with a sitter makes my heart ache. Though my husband has the security of knowing the baby is with me, I know he hates having to leave him as well.
I realize I may sound a little over the top, but I assure you I'm not. My husband and I were together for 8 years before we had our baby and we were very accustomed to an independent lifestyle. I used to think how ridiculous those people were who had to call and check on how their baby was doing in the middle of dinner. Now, I understand. Sometimes it can get so hard during the week. All I can think is about getting a break; but as soon as I'm away from my baby, I miss him. Even I think that's crazy.
I don't know how people do it except that they have to. With the economy the way it is, families need two incomes just to survive. That's assuming there are two incomes to have. Nowadays, there are so many parents out there, going it alone. My hats off.
Don't get the wrong idea, I am not wealthy by any means. I work from home and I do okay. Mostly my husband and I have simplified our lives to the point that we don't ask for much. Yet our lives are full and I'm thankful.
I think that it's important to say that once in awhile, so you don't forget the ... Blessings!
