I haven't talked much about it with most people around me but I have been back in therapy and have been put on meds for postpartum. I guess I started feeling down a couple months after I had my baby boy. I told my family doctor and she put me on Zoloft. That wasn't really working for me so she combined it with wellbutrin and that made me feel real drugged, which I hated.
I then decided I would try and talk it out with a therapist but she immediately put me on Cymbalta and some other anxiety med, I forgot the name. It wasn't what I wanted but she and her colleague was sure I was suffering from postpartum and that I needed something more than therapy. I actually agreed because I knew I wasn't myself.
I was feeling really agitated all the time and could be overcome by feelings of rage towards people when they had done nothing to cause it. So, for my baby's sake, I knew I had to do something. Luckily, I never had bad feelings towards him, nor did I take my anger out on him, but I knew I was losing control fast and was scared of what would happen.
I had heard of postpartum before, like most, but it wasn't until I saw Brooke Shields talk about it so candidly on Oprah that I realized the gravity of it. In fact, if I hadn't seen that show, I may not feel like I could even share this; but I think Brooke Shields was so brave and she really helped me realize that I'm not alone. So I feel it's very important that I do share my story.
As it is right now, Cymbalta is really helping and I'm feeling great. I know that, even though I'm on medication, this is how I should be feeling and not like I was before. That wasn't me and I knew it then but I was in a dark place and it took me having a near breakdown to get help.
I decided to stay in therapy and work on some issues I am having adjusting to having a baby, after 8 years of it being just me and my husband. I'm also working on issues with my OCD. I do like my current therapist, which if you've read my history, you know I've had problems with before.
If you feel like you are having similar problems, I strongly suggest talking to a doctor because this isn't something you should try and get through on your own. I think my case is pretty mild in comparison to a lot of cases we've heard about in the media. Unfortunately, a lot of women don't get the help they need and it can have fatal consequences.
If you're having thoughts of hurting yourself or your baby, you need to reach out to those around you for support. Tell them and tell them again if they don't listen the first time. That's one problem I had was that I felt like I told people and they didn't take me as seriously as they should. Unless you're going through it, you don't know, but pride has to be put on the shelf in order to keep you and your baby safe. So scream it if you have to. Feel free to email me if you just want to talk. You're not alone.
When I watched Baby Borrowers, I thought it was a great idea to teach teens they were not ready for children. However, I didn't get why they would have them look after the elderly. Turns out, it was a great lesson on relationships because the elderly have been through it all. While, I don't think teens need to worry about getting in serious relationships so young, I think it's important to understand that all relationships in their life will be hard work.
My husband, Brandon, and I have been together for 9 years now. We met when he was 18 and I was 21.
Ah, so young and so in love. I don't know if it was "love at first sight", but we were definitely drawn towards one another. Even though he wasn't my type and, on the surface, we were complete opposites, we just hit it off right away.
I remember telling my mom, after only the second time seeing him, that he was different. How right I was. Though, like I said, we were very different from one another, it was like he saw something in me that no one else saw and vice versa. So, while I'd like to say that I have some great knowledge on how to find love and what it is exactly, the truth is that I was lucky.
All I know is that I was in a good place in my life. I was more independent than I'd ever been, feeling great about where I was headed, and not worrying myself with "looking for love". That is when, my mom always said, you find it.
The other thing is that I had decided that I had to think positive. If you think that you're only going to meet dogs out there, then that's what you're going to meet. You have to believe that there are good guys and girls out there still.
In my experience since, I realized finding love was the easy part. The hard part comes when you move in together. Wow, no matter how well you might get along before that, the true test is when you pool your finances and start making everyday decisions together.
That, like all transition periods in a persons life, is a hard time. Unfortunately, I think too many people give up during this period. They run back to their comfort zone and wonder why relationships never work out. The fact of the matter is that, not every person is going to be the right person for you; but if you find the person you want to be with, you still need to expect that it will be hard. If you give up too soon, then it won't matter what person you are with, relationships won't work out. Easy relationships, with no bumps along the road, don't exist.
If you truly love someone, then you put the work in and reap the benefit, like with anything else. Just make sure that the other person is willing to put as much effort in as you. One sided relationships never work out well. There has to be compromise, trust and communication for a healthy relationship. Don't get me wrong there are plenty of relationships that last a long time without those things, but mind you that I said "healthy". That's the goal, to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually healthy. Happiness follows.
Society is decaying around us as we speak. As much as people want to deny that it's anything they're doing, you cannot deny that it's happening. So why is it happening?
While there are so many examples of where this decay is happening, I want to address technology's role. Technology, in general, keeps us from face to face contact, which is so important in helping us develop true social skills.
Proper social skills help us feel more comfortable and more relaxed in our own skin. We, as people, need social skills to help learn what's called "social norms", or what's considered acceptable behavior. I believe that it also helps a person develop compassion for other people, other than their family.
Even if a person is communicating with other people via the internet, the interaction is completely different than if they were in person. On-line, you can pretend to be anyone. You're more likely to say things you wouldn't otherwise because there are fewer consequences. While that may be freeing, and I know that it is for me too, there has to be a balance.
Yes, you can use the internet. Yes, you can watch tv. Yes, you can play video games. Just make sure that it's not all that you do. You have to make sure that you get the face to face interactions with people in order to ground you.
I don't think parents consider how damaging the use of video games as a baby sitter can be. Older generations weren't raised on video games though they may play them now and think that they're okay, so their kids will be too. The difference, again, is frequency.
Kids today, have never known a time without video games. If they get bored, they don't run outside and play with their friends, or learn to entertain themselves. Instead, kids today will sit in front of a tv and play mind-numbing shooter games all day if you let them. When this happens, imagination is lost, and that oh so important interaction with people is lost.
Take for example, cell phones. I cannot tell you how many times I'm out with someone and they spend half their time with me, texting or talking to someone else. It's rude behavior. There is no such thing as quality time with a person anymore. While you think that you can do two or three things at once, something will always suffer if you do not focus and give one thing your full attention. And we wonder why so many kids are diagnosed with A.D.D. How can we expect kids to pay attention for any length of time when society breeds us to have a 15 second attention span?
Again, I'm not saying that we can't do these things. Clearly, I use the internet myself. I'm saying that, as much as we don't want to, we need to look at the role technology plays in the declining values of today's youth. It's just something to think about.
Yes, you can die in a dream. I know because I have done it. Mind you it was a lucid dream. There was a car coming at me and I knew it would kill me, but I chose not to move. I wanted to see what would happen to die within the dream. I guess you could say I committed dream suicide.
It was actually a good dream though. After the car hit me, I saw a light, like everyone talks about, and I felt a peaceful warmth come over me. Now, that's probably because that's what I assume would happen when you die. Still, it was an interesting experience.
As far as the myth that you die in real life if you die in your dreams, I could imagine getting so worked up in a dream, or more like a night terror, that you might have a heart attack.
Night terrors are much worse than regular nightmares. Your body physically reacts to dreams much like it would if you were in fear or flight mode while awake. Your heart rate increases, you may sweat and/or scream out, etc.
I once had a night terror that rats were running over my body and I physically climbed over my husband and jumped out of bed. I was scared to death. The whole thing seemed so real. Luckily, I don't have those often. In fact, I think I only had that experience because I was on a medication that did not agree with me.
My nightmares, however, have been known to get very intense. If I had a weak heart, I hate to think the reaction I might have had to them.
Please feel free to share your experiences.
I haven't done a lot of research on how to evoke lucid dreams because they come naturally to me. However, there are tons of resources on the internet. I will try and list some resources when I find some good ones.
From what I've read so far, dream recall is very important in becoming lucid, or aware that you are dreaming. It's important because you need to learn more about your dreams and dream patterns in order to recognize within the dream that it is in fact a dream and not reality. Some sites suggest giving yourself reality check. For me, a dream can seem very real but then I'll notice one thing that doesn't make sense. For instance, I've had dreams where I wake from my bed, in my room, and everything is normal. Then, I'll notice that it's snowing outside and realize I'm dreaming because it's July.
So how do you learn to recall your dreams? Again, I don't really have this problem because I've always been so fascinated with dreams. It's like anything else that you study and learn. When you think of dreams during the day, studying them, and focusing on them, it becomes easier to recall and easier to use different dream techniques.
Now, maybe it's not that important to you, that you want to devote a bunch of time toward it. In that case, you should simply tell yourself before you go to bed, that you want to remember your dreams. I also use this time to focus on any questions I want answered.
It always helps to keep a paper and pen by the bed as well. While you don't need to journal everything in the middle of the night; when you wake after a dream, you can quickly scribble down key words. In the morning, these words will most likely trigger the dream or you'll at least get a laugh from the crazy words you're likely to write.
If it is the morning and no one is around, I like to say my dream out loud. This is extremely helpful to me if I don't feel like writing anything right away.
Hope these tips help. Please feel free to share yours. I will post more on this topic in the future.
As I mentioned before, I eventually took charge of my dreams, or nightmares I should say. I was in my early 20's and was in a huge transitional phase as most are at that age. I was in college, working, exercising daily, and feeling great about life in general. Then I found this book on dreams that discussed the art of "spinning". I don't remember the name of the book now, but it changed my life, or my life changed and my dreams followed. Either way, spinning really opened up my dream life to a whole other realm.
Basically, if you've had dreams where you are lucid, or aware that you're dreaming, your first response might be to wake up. I know mine always was. Once I'd realized I was dreaming, it was like the fun was over; but I was soooooooo wrong.
If you can stay calm enough to remain in a dream once you become lucid, you can take control of your dream world. One technique of doing this is "spinning", which is just that. You realize you're dreaming and you spin around in circles right there on the spot, within your dream of course. Once you stop, you will probably find that your surroundings have completely changed. Now, you are in control. Don't like where you're at, spin again. Don't like the storyline, spin again.
You can do whatever you'd like. I usually choose to fly because that is just the best feeling to me. It's funny, but when I fly I always run and jump up in the air like I need a running start.
I've also gotten to the point that I don't need to spin. I can change the surroundings just by waving my hand. I was once having a dream about my dad, after we found out he was sick, and I was telling him how much I loved him. We were in a huge city with a lot going on around us. I waved my hand at the sky above his head and suddenly there was nothing but a clear night's sky and just us. It was a beautiful dream that I hope I never forget.
I tend to have a great memory when it comes to dreams, but not much else oddly enough. I can still remember the first dream I ever wrote down in my dream journal just as if it had just happened. That's why dreams are so important to me, sometimes they're more real than my "real" life.
I hope that you will give spinning a try and please feel free to share the experience with me if you do.
Read more on my dream history here.
Although OCD has become more well known to the public as of late, I do not feel like it has been portrayed fairly. I have had OCD since I was a child. While I'll admit that some of my actions may come off that way, I am not crazy. Not everyone with OCD is like Howard Hughes. He was an extreme example.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is just that, it's a disorder. You can't just "get over it". I can't tell you how many people tell me that. Or they tell me they used to have it and they got better. The fact of the matter is, we all have quirks where we check to make sure the stove's off or we make sure not to step on the cracks in the sidewalk. However, quirks do not make up a disorder.
If checking the stove becomes so urgent that you fly home from vacation early just to do it, or if avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk keep you from going to work that week, then you have a disorder. A disorder disrupts your life. So, if you truly have OCD, you're not going to just get over it.
OCD, specifically, is about obsessive thoughts and the compulsive actions that are carried out based on those thoughts. The best way that I can describe it is, it's like having brain freeze. For example, like anyone else, when I get my hands dirty, I wash them. The difference is that I might get stuck in that thought that my hands are still dirty (the obsession), even if logic tells me that they are not. So I will have to continue washing my hands until they feel clean (the compulsion).
Some people might have to wash their hands a certain number of times, but it isn't the same for everyone. Like I said, not everyone is as severe as Howard Hughes. There are different levels of severity to OCD, just like with any disorder.
For me, I am functioning in my dysfunction at the present time, but I don't know what the future holds. OCD is a progressive disorder. It does get worse with time. Somehow, the process progresses so fast and yet slow enough that it seems bearable at the time. By the time it becomes unbearable, it's too late. I definitely worry that it will get to a point that I can no longer function "normally".
As far as treatment, I have tried the medication that doctors would have me take the rest of my life if they could, but as you've read in previous posts, I am not a big supporter of medication as a means to cure everything. Especially when they're not even sure of the cause.
I, personally, think that it's no different than anything else. Some people are genetically predisposed to things that are then triggered by our life experiences. I'll talk more about what may have triggered my OCD in pt.2 .
