Blog Psychologist

I'm reading Deepak Chopra's "The Path to Love" because I've been trying to work out things from my past in hopes of healing. I know that self love is important, if not the most important thing, but I think I lost it somewhere along the lines.

In this book, Deepak talks about psychological healing versus spiritual healing. He says that we are made up of love and that the negative thoughts and feelings we have towards self isn't who we are. He goes onto suggest that when you have these feelings, you actually tell yourself, "this is not me". I don't know, it sounds silly now that I'm writing it, but I've been doing it and I think it helps. I talked before about mantras and monitoring of negative thoughts. This helps point out and to deny these thoughts access.

This is important for me because I can be extremely negative. I actually think some of that stems from the fact that positivity didn't always go over well in my family. If you felt good about yourself, you were cocky; if you did well, you were gloating. It was almost instilled in us that you don't talk about the good things in your life. It's pretty pitiful existence to be honest. The good news is, I am an adult and don't have to be confined to that way of thinking, which is exactly why I'm trying very hard to break the habit. Wish me luck.

I've been watching Hoarders lately. No, I don't have this particular issue, but I know it's supposed to branch from OCD. Recently, there was an episode with a psychologist/hoarder. I know this may seem odd to people to have someone with a disorder when she should know how to deal with such things. I, of course, relate because my degree is also in Psych (though I'm not practicing at the moment) and I have OCD.

What one needs to consider is that we all have issues and that none of us have all of the answers. For one reason or another, people tend to be harder on psychologists than other professionals. For instance, no one seems to care when their physical doctors are over-weight or when their hairdresser looks like Jose Eber. I mean that guy doesn't even cut his hair and he wears a hat all of the time, but no one seems to question it.

The reality is that your family doctor probably isn't healthy because he works long hours, in a high stress position and probably eats from machines and drive-thrus~~the exact opposite of what they'd tell us to do. Along those same lines, psychologists often have major issues. While trying to work out these issues, it's easy to develop an interest in the field of psychology in general, which can lead to a career. I think it also gives a real compassion towards others because there's an understanding there.

I know when I went to see a grief counselor after my father passed, it felt important to me that she'd lost someone close to her because otherwise I didn't think she could understand. Lord knows, I didn't understand this level of grief until I went through it myself. This is why rehabs often have recovering addicts working there.

That isn't to say that psychologists and mental health workers need to experience everything their patients go through, just like physical doctors don't have to have had a disease to try and cure it. But to have "issues", whatever they may be, is something that connects us as human beings. If psychologists were issue-free, then I don't think they would be very good at their jobs.

It's been awhile since I last wrote--one, because I was busy and two, because I've been in a weird place... mentally. A lot of changes are coming my way and I don't do well with change. In one of my many therapy sessions it was made clear that I fear change because changes have not been good ones in the past. I associate change with loss and instability. Stability being my #1 priority in life.

I am trying desperately to observe the feelings that are coming up for me without letting them drag me down into depression, which is a state that feels comfortable to me. I get depressed and I know it's bad to give in but then I go into this defensive, "I don't give a f***" zone and do it anyway. Now though, I have my son to think about and so it's not like I can just lie around feeling sorry for myself. I have to do better because he deserves better.

I'm actually doing pretty well. I think with the new year, I have new hopes and new resolutions. One resolution being to let go and let God. I know that I need these changes because I don't want another year like the last in that I'm stagnant and it's ridiculously clear that I'm not living up to my potential. Happiness does not grow in a place like that and I am determined to find my happiness again.

I did a vision board to try and motivate me and I have a new mantra, "I'm a closer". I like it because it's powerful and it's something that was true of me once. I'd like it to be true again.

On my board, I have "parties" but it's just that I like to throw parties but I have shied away from entertaining in the past. Hopefully, one day, that will change. Oh and I know I have the no OCD right under Mr. Clean, but what I want is a clean home without feeling like cleaning rules me.

I'm still working on my board but it's been good because it really makes you focus on what you want for your future. You may think you know but then sit down to do and go blank. I'd suggest everyone try it.

I remember sitting at the edge of a fountain once, when I was a kid. I dipped my feet in and swirled them in circles, creating waves. As I watched, I felt like I was floating away. I liked that feeling very much.

I was too young to think of where I was going or why I wanted to go. My thoughts weren't so heavy back then. All I knew was that I wanted to go away. It is a profound memory of mine. Thinking back on how young I was at the time, I think what a sad thought it was for a child to have.

Unfortunately, the thought of "away", and whatever that means, never left me.

When I was in my teens, I started having thoughts of jumping out of moving cars. I'd imagine myself hopping out and then running like the wind...away. It was a really freeing thought.

I don't really know if these thoughts are "normal" because no one talks about these things. Maybe they should though because there's freedom in that too. Maybe if we didn't keep these things to ourselves, we'd all realize that we're not alone. Then maybe I wouldn't feel the need to go away.

In theory, it's great to say "When you're knocked you off the horse, you gotta get right back up". In reality, sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes, we have the will and the desire to get back up; but as soon as we stand, we're dealt another blow. Blow upon blow, and you start spending more time on the ground, wondering whether it's worth getting up at all.

Most of us have been or will find ourselves in that very place at least once in our lives. So the story I'm about to tell you isn't unique. However, our own experiences should make us sympathize and want to give the help that we wished we'd received at our time of need.

My sister has a friend who is without a furnace for a fast approaching winter in Missouri. I know that in this economy this may not be a story that you haven't heard many times over.

In this particular case, this woman has been through the ringer as of late. She lost her father followed by her husband and then had to have major surgery last year. To some, losing a furnace isn't a big deal on the scale of what this woman has been through, but it's just another blow. Of course, we can't bring back her loved ones or heal her pain, but a new furnace is something WE can do.

My sister has set up a site, here, and I have a widget below where you can give. It doesn't have to be much $5 $10 if that's what you have.

I've had several people come to me lately with questions about God. The doubt that seems to be plaguing people during these hard times is causing a lot of grief. People often feel bad for questioning the existence of God. I think this is unnecessary.

Quite the contrary, I think that God would want us to question. Then, if we come to believe, it is an informed decision. If you can answer the questions you have for yourself, I believe your faith will be more solid than if you follow blindly, things that others have told you to believe. To me, it's no different than if someone gives you all the answers to a math test. You might get the test right, but you still don't know math.

To start you, or to help you continue, on your journey, I'll tell you something that helps me. Just as I try to put myself in other people's shoes, I also try and put myself in God's shoes. For instance, regarding the question of proof; if I were a God, I could show myself to others and prove to everyone that I exist. Once I removed doubt, people would believe, follow me, do what I asked, worship me. I think it would be much like if we, as human beings, could force people to love us. It might sound wonderful, but wouldn't it take away from the value of love if we never knew if the person truly loved us? What's the point of love if it's not real? Just something to think about?

Please feel free to share your feeling son the subject.

If you're watching ABC's show, Flash Forward, then you have been made aware of Schrodinger's Cat experiment. If not, then here's a video explaining:



To recap, if the cat has an equal, 50% chance of being alive or dead and we were asked to say which, we could only say that the cat is actually in a mixed Quantum state, and that the cat would only be in a specific state of life or death when someone opens the box to observe.

This goes along the same lines as another Quantum theory, the Double Slit Experiment:



Now, your first reaction may be "So what?". Well, the idea is that it begs the question "Could this prove that we, as people, are indeed observed by something bigger than us...aka a God?". It's certainly something to think about. I'm doing some thinking of my own on it and I'll get back to you if I figure out anything.

What do you think?